I know you hope to go to the big you-know-where
And you're here to try to earn your ticket there
Better listen now or you haven't got a prayer
Let me break it down ooh
If you want someone to love ya
Babe you gotta look like me
Like me
Gotta be flawless pure perfection not for shelf
Not a shelf
And my first impression of ya as far as I can see
Can see
Is you simply can't compete with my sweet self
Your sweet self
Is your hair as thick as mine
No
Are your arms as bumped as mine
No
Are the moves you got as drop-dead hot as this
No no they ain't
Is your profile half this fine
No
If not let me hit you with the bottom line
Got to measure up or you won't get eternal bliss
Ooh
So let me be honest
Honest
I got to be honest
Honest
I'm gonna be honest
Ah yeah
Whether you like it or not
You're much too short
Too short
You're way too thin
Too thin
Is that a blemish on your double chin
Oh man
Don't ever walk a runway
No
Or man a kissing booth
Mwah
You're U-G-L-Y
Ugly
And that's the ugly truth
You ugly ah ah you ugly
You ugly ah ah you ugly
Now perhaps I've just upset ya
But people let's get real
Get real
It's the most exclusive club that you want in
Want in
There's a price to pay you bet ya
Hey you gotta look ideal
Ideal
Or you'll end up in the old recycling bin
Recycling bin
Is your smile as white as this
No
Are your glutes as tight as this
No
Then they'll trash it and they'll mash it into glue
Ooh poor poor you
It's a flawless life is this
Just one tiny detail it's a big ol' mess
Oops oh well I'm sorry sayonara too-da-loo
Ooh
But hey I can help ya
Oh yeah
Well possibly help ya
Oh yeah
Well hopefully help ya
Oh yeah
But most of you probably not
Your head's too small
Too small
Your neck's too long
Too long
Your nose starts right but then ends up all wrong
So wrong
Mm that tiny freckle
Ugh
Ooh that crooked tooth
You're U-G-L-Y
Ugly
And that's the ugly truth
U-G-L-Y face like that why even try
U-G-L-Y back that hip like triple fry
U-G-L-Y sorry if that makes you cry
You're ugly so ugly so
Wait
Look at you look at you look at you
I ain't seen nothing like you before
I mean words fail me I mean I'm tongue-tied
I mean I'm speechless baby
What's a thing like you doing in a place like this
I gotta tell ya girl you're pretty
Pretty ugly
And that's the ugly truth
U-G-L-Y heard your looks make you cry
Yeah so sorry 'bout the truth
U-G-L-Y cross my heart and hope to die
Woo 'cause that's the ugly truth
U-G-L-Y love to kiss my lunch goodbye
Yeah you're U-G-L-Y
And that's the ugly truth